I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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