you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
