Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
