The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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