the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
