Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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