OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
