Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
