I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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