I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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