oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
