Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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