I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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