This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
