So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just puked most of my soul out..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
