Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pants are for mortals
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
