just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
