i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
