There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
