Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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