I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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