Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
