respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
