walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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