3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
