I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
