Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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