I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
