Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
