soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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