i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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