remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
