I hate all girls vehemently.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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