you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
