just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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