Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Randomize
