10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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