they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize