mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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