; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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