My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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