I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
