hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
