i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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