He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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