He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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