Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
