Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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