he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
