I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
