Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
