Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
