did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
