it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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