he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
