hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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