I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
