She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
