every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
