I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize