Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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