In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
