i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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