Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
