Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
