Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
