my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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