i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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