The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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