that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
why is half of my head shaved?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
