Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
