i think i have two assholes
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
