im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We left an ass print on the piano.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
