I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
