Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
