Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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