I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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