its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
