just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
