all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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