So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
