The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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