I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
