So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
