Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
