I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize