I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
