Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
