my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
