Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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