I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
