the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
