It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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