remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
