let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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