Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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