I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
