On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
