A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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