he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
