How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
