Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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