this just has baby written all over it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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