You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
