we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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