honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize