literally had 100 drinks last night.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I looked at my own cervix.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
